View from Heaven
by Rinna Zeki-Xiphos
Summary: Everything in life had to have a meaning, right? ...there was no way to be sure anymore. Nothing seemed to have a meaning, not without her...


Disclaimer: Xifa owns nothing...nope.  Squenix gets everything and Yellowcard gets this song, which is naturally entitled 'View from Heaven'.  Honestly, I've gotta stop writing like this.  This is the third angst/romance songfic that I'd done in the last twelve hours, and the second Cloud/Aeris one.  ...but I had to do this one, even though I just did 'Best I Ever Had'.  I mean, I read these lyrics, and I'm like...they're Cloud!  So, I wrote it.  So sue me.  (No, don't really.  I just bought a car and I'm still making payments and I am BROKE.  So don't sue me -)

"View from Heaven"

            Darkness.  Complete darkness, covering the entire town of Nibelheim.  It wasn't a bad darkness, though...just the darkness that normally blankets the town at three in the morning.  A peaceful, comforting darkness, hiding from the world the reality they'd have to awake to.  By then, the darkness would be gone, and so would the dreams.  It would just be another day, and most wouldn't think anything of it.

            He sat in the middle of his bed, able to see this protecting darkness.  It didn't protect him anymore, though.  Nothing could save him from reality.  It was a very rare occasion now that he would be able to achieve a state of slumber, just enough to relieve his mind from painful reality.  Those times he finally could sleep were more often that not cursed, cursed with the same memory, as if stuck on replay.  Even during the day he couldn't escape from it.  It was as if everything around him constantly made him think of her, of everything...

            He wondered what exactly it was that caused dreams...and nightmares.  If there was a chance he could avoid them, perhaps he could finally return to a peaceful state.  This wasn't seeming possible, however.  The nightmare wouldn't release its grip on him long enough during the day to even let him think about sleep, so even though he was physically exhausted, he still was awake.  Three in the a.m.  Another wasted night. 

            He'd thought moving back to his original home would be somewhat of a help.  He hadn't been able to even stay around Midgar.  Running around town made him think of her, visiting the church made him think of her...and on more than one occasion, he could have sworn he'd seen her, still taking care of the flowers as if nothing had ever happened.  Yuffie had told him that he'd' just missed her so much that he'd imagined seeing her.  It was a psychological something-or-another.  His patience always wore thin when it came to Yuffie, but it was wearing even thinner now that she decided to get her degree in psychology.  Was it too much to ask her to stop psycho-analyzing him?  He'd tried too once, and Cait Sith had given him a piece of his mind.  Who cared about Cait Sith anyway...even so, it was hard to go anywhere without thinking of her.  Every place held a memory...except Nibelheim.  But with her gone and nothing to remind him of her in this place, it was just as if the one memory kept coming back...her standing there, praying for the peace of the world, so peaceful...Sephiroth...

            He closed his eyes...if he could just reach the safety of a dream...maybe it'd be just a slight break from reality, but he needed something, anything...

_I'm just so tired _

_Won't you sing me to sleep_

_and__ fly through my dreams_

_So I can hitch a ride with you tonight_

_and__ get away from this place_

_have__ a new name and face_

_I just ain't the same without you in my life_

            He finally stood up.  Insomnia was becoming inevitable.  Deciding that another night would pass without sleep, he walked out the door, outside to the car...even it held memories of her...but it was better than being there without anything to focus on.  He hit the radio station and flipped it off of Yuffie's up-beat punk rock tunes onto more of a metal station.  He wasn't too into hearing people sing about hating their dads right now...fathers were the last thing on his mind.  He sighed.  No, this couldn't be a metal station...a calm, piano song was playing.  He recognized it instantly.  Tifa had recently gotten very popular as a composer, having decided to take her piano playing to the next level.  This song she had written in memory of Aeris.  She was good at composing too...every note in all of the song made him think of her...

            He glanced into the empty passenger seat.  It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair at all that Sephiroth had stolen him from her forever.  There was no way she was dead, no way he could believe it...she was so young, still had so much life...she could have saved the world, she could have done so much for the world, for him...was it possible that she was actually dead?

_Late night drives _

_all__ alone in my car_

_I can't help but start_

_singin__' lines from all our favorite songs_

_and__ melodies in the air_

_singin__' "life just ain't fair"_

_Sometimes I just can't believe you're gone_

            He stared out the windshield at the starry sky.  A small beam went across the sky, never ending, almost like a rainbow.  The Planet was still dying, despite it all...and the Lifestream had left the Planet and formed this rainbow-like figure across the sky.  Optimists called it Heaven.  Pessimists reminded him that it was a sign of impending doom.  He'd stared at it many times, trying to figure it out for himself.  Was there a meaning to it, even?  Everything in life had to have a meaning, right?  ...there was no way to be sure anymore.  Nothing seemed to have a meaning, not without her...

            He'd been talking to Vincent about it earlier, a week or so ago...he didn't know how long ago it had been...there was no need in keeping track of things like that anymore.  He couldn't even tell you his age and be sure of it...somewhere around twenty-five, but he wasn't sure if that was right...maybe he was twenty-six...maybe he was still twelve and this was just one big nightmare...who was to say?  Nothing was sure anymore...

_"Maybe," Vincent has suggested.  "It's symbolizing something."_

_            ...Vincent would be the one to think up something like that._

_"What would it symbolize, though?  The Planet's dying and the Lifestream's gone crazy.  I don't think it's standing for anything," he scowled._

_            Vincent sighed._

_"You really have changed...try to look at it from a better side."_

_"...there isn't a better side anymore."_

_"Maybe it's a sign from her.  Some people say it's Heaven, right?  Maybe it's a sign to show she's still watching over you."_

Her view's probably better than mine right now, he thought to himself.

_"Just believe it, maybe for a day or so," Vincent suggested._

_"What good would that do?" he frowned._

_"Well, it'd give you a reason to live, right?"_

A reason to live...

_And I'm sure the view from heaven_

_beats__ the hell outta mine here_

_and__ if we all believe in heaven _

_maybe__ we'll make it through one more year down here_

            He drove out to the edge of the ocean, stopping there.  This was the place where you could get closest to the Lifestream, even though it wasn't recommended.  He figured he could live through it.  He'd survived Mako-poisoning in Mideel, survived SOLDIER training...he could handle being this close to the Lifestream.  Hopefully.  He didn't really care if he couldn't.

            He looked at it, the soft green glowing slightly.  If she could just appear for a moment...just long enough for him to tell her how he really felt, tell her goodbye...if only he'd at least gotten to tell her goodbye...but, no, there was no chance of her coming back.  If only there was!  If he could just tell her he loved her, just tell her goodbye...just ask her if he could take her too...her prescience was strongest here, closest to the Lifestream that she was somewhere within, waiting, waiting until her life-energy was reused for someone else.  It wasn't fair.  She should still be Aeris, not energy just waiting to turn into someone else.  She'd always be Aeris to him, even after her prescience disappeared from the Lifestream. 

_Feel your fire when it's cold in my heart_

_and__ things sorta start remindin' me of my last night with you_

_I only need one more day, just one more chance to say_

_I wish that I had gone up with you, too_

_You won't be coming back,_

_and__ I didn't get to say goodbye_

_I really wish I'd got to say goodbye..._

"What if she had survived?" 

            He looked over to see Vincent standing there.  Vincent often came to the Lifestream as well, especially since Lucrecia's ghost had finally moved on into the Lifestream.  Whatever in there that had rejected her before was obviously gone, much to Vincent's dismay.  He'd almost panicked the first day he'd found out he couldn't go see her again, but often came to this same place, where her prescience, just like Aeris's, was strongest.

"Who, Lucrecia or Aeris?"

"Aeris," Vincent answered.  "Would it have been for the best?"

"What do you mean?!  Of course it would!"

"If she survived that, it undoubtedly would have haunted her the rest of her life.  Not to mention she'd probably have some serious physical problems after Sephiroth..."  Vincent shook his head sadly.  "And she'd have to see this Planet in the state it is now...perhaps it's for the best that she's in a place filled with nothing but life."

            He stared at Vincent as if he'd just turned into Yuffie as his new limit break or something, then shook his head.

"You still don't believe me?" Vincent looked to him.

"...no, I think you're right," he sighed.  "But that doesn't mean I don't miss her."

"You've just got to learn to move past it," Vincent frowned slightly. 

"Easy for you to--" he stopped abruptly, seeing the look on Vincent's face.  It hadn't been easy for Vincent either...he knew that.  Why had he said that?  "I'm sorry."

"It's alright.  You know...you will see her again, someday...in the Lifestream..."

            _I hope so, because I'm lost on this Planet without her._  

_And I'm sure the view from heaven_

_beats__ the hell outta mine here_

_and__ if we all believe in Heaven_

_maybe__ we'll make it through one more year_

_I hope that all is well in heaven_

_'cause it's all shot to Hell down here_

_I hope that I find you in Heaven_

_'cause I'm so lost without you down here_

A/n: exhaustion  I still have a billion more ideas for songfics...but I MUST stop writing these!  They're so...so sad!  sobs  No more Cloud/Aeris angsty songfics, mkay?  This is the LAST ONE!

...but you know...that song on the radio...it just might go with them...ehehe…

Love and peace,

xiffie


End file.
